mixed emotions

It always gets at me when I hear about motorist-on-cyclist crashes on the road and injuries and fatalities. It might have happening "over there somewhere"... California, Colorado, Georgia, but it was still something that got at me. (At the risk of sounding melodramatic) Brothers and Sisters of The Bike. People doing the same thing I do, experiencing the same kinds of things, the only difference being where they were doing it.

But this time it happened here at home.

Today was a memorial ride for Tim. The word went out and people gathered at the High School to ride out to the spot where he was killed, have a few words and ride back. I had no idea what to expect, but was blown away at the turnout. I'm guessing that it was over 200 people. This is where the mixed emotions get me all choked up. So heartening that bike people will come together like this to give moral support to the family of one of us. Might not know him, but they care about what happened. Made a point to show up, on a weekday at rush hour, to be there and do this.
And at the same time, it's crushingly sad. It wasn't drunk driving, or bad weather, or erratic behavior. It was during the day, Tim riding on the paved shoulder, and some young guy distracted by changing the radio station (or something like that) drifts out of his lane and runs him over. Killed right then and there. Fucking pointless. No good reason.

And it could have just as easily been you, or me, or that chick over there, or that dude over there. We normally expect injury and death at complicated, confusing places - intersections, lanes merging, people running red lights. But he was doing everything right and got clipped anyway. It's not exactly "scary"... I'm not scared to ride the places and the streets that I always have, but as I get older, I'm feeling less invulnerable. And this pushes on that feeling.

And there's the other emotions too. The anger that wants to get in the face of every local politician and cop I can find and say "Can't you see!? People can get killed, so take it seriously. There's a lot of people out there riding bikes in this town. They care about this. Serve your constituents, dammit."

And in the end, I make my way through one more emotion. The one that says to stand up and speak up. That there are many out there out there and we are not alone. Make your voice heard.