Found it.
Well, in the Grand Ginger Beer Quest, there's progress, courtesy of the Ypsi Food Coop and whoever introduced me to it by bringing it to Burn's Night. It's got the smack-a-dack to the tongue that I've been looking for all this time. Not the Gigantor version that I still seek... that Jamaican stuff that I bought that fateful lunch break while working at the bike shop in high school. You know, that Ginger Beer of Legend (GBoL) that was too boo-coo (beaucoup, whatever... think Full Metal Jacket - or was it Platoon?) and took 20 minutes to sip through - it being that powerful in The Ginger. Anyway, I'm a little worried that I might never get back to the GBoL, but I'm willing to continue the quest.
Minor Recipe note: When making a cocktail such as a "Dark and Stormy", stay the hell away from spiced rums. You see that label in the back - Captain Morgan's "Tattoo"? Well, how do I say this... How about: Fuck. That. I've had me some "acquired taste" and novelty liquors/spirits in my day (Moutai, Unicum, Jaegermeister, stinky Islay single-malts), but this is one I'm not ever planning to buy again, even as a joke. It's just not worth it.
([nostalgic waving] Hi Moutai! I miss you! You and your gag-worthy moldy-sweat-sock taste... [/nostalgic waving])