who am I to do such things...

An unstructured night leads to A Bourbon, then Another, then a musical browse, then a walk down memory lane, searching for a photo.  Wondering if I actually took a photo of that place where I realized my mortality, where I realized "oh shit, I could have easily died (cold ,dark, and alone) as a result... but for that moment, just by chance, by reflex, that turned the other way".

And it turned to a photo browse that took me further, to nostalgia.  Thinking of friends far away, wanting to share with them.  But a particular photo, and a particular friend, who in the years since has seen...  well... change.  Distance, time, life, family, career.  I hold the memories from then as happy ones for me, and precious.  But it's been a while, and change happens, ever and again.  I recognize that, regardless of how lucky I am to have met her when she happened to be here for that short while, she was unhappy here, for many reasons. And now, years later, with a wife, and a son, and a gleam in her eye, that part of me that wants to share "remember back then?" loses the fight against "who am I to remind her of that time when she was so profoundly, chronically unhappy when she was here?"

I can't do that to her.

I mean... who am I? My experience was different - I was blissfully moving through days.  And while I knew that she hurt, I didn't *understand* until later. And that was years ago. Time has passed.  Life has gone on. She is away, I am here.  Water has flowed down the river in the meantime, and the space of miles and years are in between.

 In the end, regardless,  I look back with fondness and love for a friend now far away, and am happy for what she has made for herself - going forth, seeking and finding.