secret identities
Every now and then I have troubles with this whole blogging concept as a dynamic-journal-of-sorts (yes, I know it's self-referential to blog about a blog, but just ignore that for the time being). It's a thing that I've had decision-making problems with before, and that's the boundaries between things public and private.
I think of this sometimes as a personally therapeutic activity. No, gentle reader, I'm not using you as a substitute for proper mental health care, but there is something to be said for exercising the cobwebs, preventing the mental stagnation that comes from a lack of thoughtul contemplation or the running around and around in the same rut. Here I am sounding all high-falutin' when really what I am describing is the conversation that any kid has when they start off their first journal entry with "Dear Diary..." But you see, the diary is ultimately a very a private thing. Something that you trust no one will read - something to which you can entrust your deepest darkest secrets. The blog? not so much - it's on the web and just about anybody can see it. Of course, it's a form of voyeurism too - you WANT people to look at it and read it, or else what's the point? Without another participant, it would just be masturbation.
I started thinking about this a year ago and wrote two paragraphs. I shelved it then, but was talking with a friend recently (who reads this) about exactly this. And it seems we were both independently headed to the same mental place - to have or not to have a secret blog. Our "usual" online identities are bound up or connected in some way or other with our real world identities (slightly obscured though they may be). When you really want to cut loose and talk about what's really going on in your head, maybe you don't want anyone you actually know to know what you're really agonizing over. But then if it's so secret no one knows about it, what's the use? Maybe the anonymous voyeurism that someone, somewhere might just read it. Like having sex in a public place or Larry Craig-like airport bathroom hookups, perhaps the danger of getting caught is part of the thrill.
Moving in... spreading out closer to the edges of myself... buying vacation property there instead of just visiting every now and then.
9 comments:
What a bunch of mental masturbation... make the choice of public or private and go with it; there is really nothing in between. Sure you can set up an additional blog, but by doing so and using it you are creating an identity...
As if the line between public and private were that clear. Yeesh, again I scream "shades of gray," "shades of gray" (and yes, I prefer "gray" over "grey -- it seems happier).
Identity is multivalent and unstable anyway. {insert other jargon-laden but damn useful post modern theory here}. No need to concern yourself that you have "too many."
You just forge ahead and create all the fucking identities you want -- you already have a pack of them and others will try to categorize you only by the most accessible and familiar of these anyway -- so go ahead, make it harder on them.
Mental masturbation, yes it is. I even used those exact words in the post (very sharp of you to pick up on that).
But there's plenty of in-between when it comes to "identity" in real life. And in the virtual world? There is no such thing as identity. There are only personas. Some correspond to identities in RL, some are shells that appear and disappear on a whim.
Funny how you post about identity... anonymously. Since anyone can post anonymously, the next person that puts on the mantle of "anonymous" destroys any thread of a comment/point you were trying to make - "you" no longer exist because they have become you.
Farewell Anonymous. Alas, you are already gone. I barely new ye.
(from the 1st "anonymous")
Don't you just love well planned sarcasm! Replying anonymously was a choice.
You're not the "1st" anonymous. You're the 3rd.
Commenting anonymously is available to you as a choice because I checked that box in the blogger.com setup.
It doesn't mean I take hecklers anonymous commenters seriously.
Speaking as someone who's been there and done that (Hey everyone, look at me naked!!-so to speak), I do have to disagree with a small part of your post.
I don't know that it's necessarily the desire to put yourself out there for voyeurs. Sometimes it's just about a Blog being a forum to dispell people's pre-conceived notions about who you are and who they expect you to be. It can be so annoying to be nice when you just don't FEEL like being nice, you know? Or, people think you're sweet and actually, you're really, really not a sweetie. Or people think you're an ass, but then you get a chance to explain why you think/feel what you do, and maybe people won't think you're such an ass.
Of course, then you get comfortable with that and you go too far. And you don't know you went too far until it's too late and you're all naked in front of everyone else. And there's a mirror there. And you notice you're kinda gaining some weight....
See? Think I'd ever say any of this to your face? LOL!!!
Lynne -
Good point(s).
I do see what you mean about dispelling notions... you can only present so much of yourself to a person in limited face-to-face time. But if they read what you've written other times, in other moods/situations, they can get a fuller picture, understand better.
And then there's the other side of that sword - that sometimes (via the blog) they get a fuller picture of you that you wanted them to get. And that's wacky too.
I'm not sure if you're *disagreeing* with me. I think people have different purposes/intent, and for me, it's about venting and ranting. Sometimes just a place to throw out some thoughts and work it through. Maybe "I've gotta tell someone about this cool thing I just saw".
But I'm not a complete exhibitionist, regardless of how, through typing, I might have portrayed myself. There's still lots of things I don't share here (thus the "secret blog" concept), and that was kind of what I meant to make a point of... that I still struggle with what goes where in my life.
[sigh]
Ah, I see. I was reading more into the post than you intended with regards to the voyeurism aspect.
And you're right; it's not that I necessarily disagree with you. I also believe that on a subconscious level ANYONE who has a Blog (myself included) is enamored with the idea that people are peeking into your private mind and that they like what they see.
It seems the voyeurism concept and the dispellation (is that even a word??) of pre-conceived notions go hand-in-hand. You subconsciously like the idea that someone reads your thoughts and likes what they see, and at the same time it's an opportunity to demonstrate who *you* think you really are, as opposed to who you think other people think you are (how's that for twisted logic?).
I love that "navel-gazing" is now a label. I'll be stealing that...
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