Motivated Smiling
People who practice "intentional smiling" creep me out like you wouldn't believe...
Don't look at me to figure out what you're supposed to say, say what you mean, dammit. And when I don't smile back, don't assume that I'm angry, just because you expect your smile to be met with a smiling response from me. I might just be a non-smiling person. Deal honestly and explain your position instead of trying to persuade with your demeanor.
Facts, not feelings, folks. Learn to live with them.
6 comments:
So, are you saying your aren't comfortable living with your feelings? How... awkward. I'm not defending the fake smiles or, worse yet, the people try and command others to smile, but I'm not willing to dismiss all non-verbal communication quite so easily.
No, absolutely not. I'm quite happy with my feelings.
And I'm quite happy with sometimes not having any feelings at all...
What I'm saying is that a peer, or colleague, or co-worker who comes off like a greasy used-car salesman gives me the willies. A person who is ostensibly a professional (an engineer), should be able to present their work without having to convince you to like them (as a person) for their work to have merit. When the fuck did the world get so touchy-feely that everyone had to like each other in order to do their job?
The fact is, in the work place, not everyone is required to like everyone else. But you are required to tolerate each other. That's what I want. I want to simply tolerate the creepy smiley people, and I want them to tolerate my non-smiling. I've done my part, they should be doing theirs.
Now, that is a good example of sales person vs. engineer... Unfortunately the sales people tend to make more money :-(
heh. That's the funny thing - the dude who was the catalyst for the blog post... is supposedly an engineer. Greasy, creepy, gives-me-the-willies-"engineer".
Ah, but have you ever had the experience of a complete stranger out in the world inserting themselves into your personal space and commanding you to "smile"? If you're lucky you only get that and not the all-too-familiar follow up of "What does a pretty thing like you have to frown about?" (or something similarly slimy).
Okay, yeah, this is probably one of those things that happens to us special people: "girls."
On a different note: I agree with your perspective on workplace interactions. I once convinced a senior colleague to hire me by using a very similar definition of collegiality. The whole "liking each other" thing had helped to drive me away from my previous institution, so when asked what I thought of the issue, I blurted out my uncensored answer without considering the political implications. It was probably a good thing I did, though. If I'd ended up at another place that used "how you fit in" (read: does she like Michigan football? etc.) litmus test, my head would have exploded.
Why do you think it's gender thing?
I would get the "no need to be angry/sad... just put on a happy face!" shit, and frankly, I wasn't angry or sad or whatever, just not smiling, and their comment causes me to wish ill towards them. Like a nasty ingrown toenail that just won't heal or something.
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