It's Just a Place(tm)
In Champaign-Urbana, driving through this town and the surrounding flatlands, little towns, etc. the dominant activity is agriculture. The town itself has purpose of its own, it has purpose when the University is active, but I'm reminded of comments others have made whenever I talk about Grad School - "would you be comfortable with the lifestyle change (ostensibly from a 'human adult' lifestyle to a 'student' lifestyle)?" "do you think you could go back to living in a town like C-U as a student?" And earlier today, what I saw through my Michigan Eyes as I drove through town was a small town, and sleepy. How interesting could it possibly be? Could I live here? But of course, lots of people live here, and live happy, healthy, and full lives here.
The remark I hate when I hear people say it: "over there - it's a pretty rough neighborhood". No matter what the neighborhood is, black/white, rich/poor, city/countryside whatever, there are people that are born, live, go to work, raise families, just like everybody else. It's not a radioactive fallout zone and chances are that you aren't going to get gang-raped by roving bands of Toxic Avenger mutants.
Sidebar: The other remark I detest - "well, all I know is that someone should do something". Oh yeah, well if you are so smart to know this, then who should do what? If you don't know or are too much of a pussy to say, then just keep yer trap shut so that you don't annoy the people who are doing something about it. I could rant on and on about this because of how much I detest it, but I'll spare you.
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And then, hours later, after getting a little bit lost in my own mind, looking across the street at shop windows and such, it's a own just like any other, and I can't tell the difference. I begin to wonder again about my adaptability, which I curse somedays - being able to adapt to most situations. In some ways, it means that I don't know where I am. It's not so bad as what the New Pope (like New Coke) Ratzinger/Benedict would decry as the Satanic Evils of moral relativism, but there are times when I feel like I'm drifting on the wind far too much. Alas, another of the big ole questions I ask myself that no one can answer but me.
2 comments:
Do you feel any change--relaxation, relief, or whatnot--since you left MI for IL?
As far as the whole whatamIgonnado malaise, I've got nothing to add. I've been plugging away doing work on a story to stop similar feelings from surfacing. After watching two hours of TV this evening I'm begging to feel that Sunday's mostly been a waste, so I'd better do some work.
Say hi to M, S, and the various animals for me.
It took a week, but I relaxed eventually. I doubt it was a MI vs. IL thing, just a wind-down.
As far as WhatAmIGoingToDoWithMyself... as I post a resume on an alumni career site that has an optional box for entering GPA, I really wish I could go back in time about 12 years and obsess about my GPA and do all those stupid things to improve it on paper. (you know, the difference between looking good on paper and actually *knowing* something - I thought The Learning was more important, but after the fact I realize I should have cared a little more about the paper too.)
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